“NEWS ALERT! Snow? In January? We’re All Gonna Die!”

My daughter! My only daughter! Trapped in the tomb of Winter’s embrace! Damn you!



This just in! Cold, white flakes of death falling from on high. Our Redeemer laugheth in-eth our-eth faces-eth. Why do you forsake us, oh Lord, and let Jack Frost (that masochistic bastard-eth) spray icy wrath from his chilly scepter?

Oh wait, I forget. It’s what we like to call “Winter”. It’s a season. Oh yes, there is mirth, but there is also snow, and wind, and rain, and slush, and shovels and brooms, and back pain, and exhaustion.

I have to chuckle a little bit when the Mayor says things like, “You cannot underestimate this storm. This is not a typical storm. It’s going to pack a real punch,”. This is a storm that will find you hiding, shivering under your bed. It will pull you out from under comparative shelter, and smack you in the face. The blizzard is probably racist, too. It will hurl racial epithets. It will sink so low as to use the “N” word. No!

City schools also will be closed Tuesday, as Gotham braces for what “will most likely be one of the worst blizzards in the history of New York City,” said Mayor Bill de Blasio in an emergency press conference at the Brooklyn headquarters of the Office of Emergency Management.

New York Post

Four years of brutal winters in Putnam County have hardened me. They’re prepared me. This is nothing. This is a coupla fairies throwing snow balls. Bring it on! Do your worst! Have I mentioned I happen to love New York?

I happen to love New York!

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