Misadventures in Blissville

The Monkees Love Catwoman!

“Monkees Get Out More Dirt” is one of the episodes I’d put into a “most memorable” category. It’s the one with Julie Newmar, and the one where they all compete with each other instead of working together. The episode first aired April 3, 1967, and the writers were Gerald Gardner and Dee Caruso. Gerald Shepard directed this one. He has very few credits as a director, there’s this and another episode, “Monkees On The Wheel” as well as a film called Heroes Die Young (1960). Most of his credits are as an editor, he edited 11 of the 58 episodes Monkees episodes, 21 episodes of my beloved Addams Family and the Bob Rafelson-directed film 5 Easy Pieces. One of the things I appreciate about The Monkees is the editing, which consistently adds personality to each episode.

The Monkees arrive at the laundromat to do their laundry. Each of them in turns goes to get some soap, meets the lovely April Conquest (Julie Newmar) and each in turn comes back to the others, stunned by love and muttering “soap…soap.” There are two separate funny POV shots, from her POV. First, diminutive Davy has to look high up to see the 5′ 11″ Newmar. Next, when Micky meets her, he takes an awestruck look at her “rack” (which would really be the camera’s “rack”). The writers have created a variation from the usual plot device of Davy getting love struck; this time, they’re all love struck.

Before the opening theme, there’s a weird bit where an actor named Wally Cox walks in front of the camera and uses a box of detergent with a question mark on it, and an arm comes out of the washing machine. These are both spoofs of TV commercials from the times, one for Salvo detergent (the real Salvo ad featured Cox) and one for Action bleach packets by Colgate. More details on Monkees Tripod. Also, the name of the episode sounds like a product slogan for the Monkees as a soap.

The Monkees return home with their laundry bags. They each make an excuse to leave, so they can go see April. They are now scheming against each other, instead of scheming against a common enemy. Davy’s excuse is that he wants to train to be a boxer, something we saw him do already in “Monkees in the Ring.”

Davy arrives first at the laundromat. April explains to Davy she’s doing post-graduate studies in laundry science. Mike gets there next and jokes that he came to see another commercial, referencing the pre-credits gag. She explains she’s working on her doctor’s thesis and Mike repeats the “Why can’t your doctor work on his own thesis” joke from “The Prince and the Pauper.” Micky arrives next and walks right up to her, touching his nose to hers. April goes on about the great reservoir of untapped dirt. She opens the lid of the washing machine and finds Peter inside. The editors play little bird tweeting music.

It occurs to me that April is not that great. She’s not all that fun, intelligent, or interesting. I don’t think she’s supposed to be. As her last name “Conquest” telegraphs, she exists to be just that; an object of desire. The joke is the four of them fighting over a dull girl who’s fascinated by laundry. It says more about the Monkees than it does about her that they’re so into her. Julie Newmar, on the other hand, is amazing. Aside from her obvious stellar physical attributes, she hits the flighty and giddy notes of the character just perfectly and is easily a strong enough presence for the four boys to center around.

Back at home the Monkees pace around the pad and fret. Mike turns on Davy asking “Don’t you think she’s a little tall for you?” That’s mean, and also, if Mike thinks men are required to be taller than their dates, in heels the 5ft. 11 inch Newmar looms over all of them, even 6 ft. 1 inch Mike.

They sit down and watch Dr. Lorreen Sisters, an allusion to Dr. Joyce Brothers, the “face of American psychology.” Sisters is “bringing the cool light of reason into your messy little lives.” The actress wears tortoiseshell, cat-eyed glasses, identical to the ones April wore at the laundromat. This actress is also very funny with her no-nonsense performance; much sterner than I recall the real Dr. Brothers ever coming off.

Sisters is answering the question, “How do you win the girl you love?” I dig the answer: “The fastest way to a woman’s heart is through her mind.” Davy hilariously notes, “You know, I never would have thought of that route.” Sisters advises them to find out what kind of man she likes, and be that man. They all take off to do that, not even bothering with excuses this time.

Next is the series of scenes of TV parodies/disguises. Davy on the payphone introduces himself to April’s mother as David Armstrong Jones of the BBC (Better Be Clean). He finds out from Mom that April’s into pop art. Mike is at the pad, using a Get Smart model shoe phone to call April. He’s happy to learn that she’s interested in men who ride motorcycles. Peter is on a Green Acres style outdoor phone-on-a-pole from which he calls April’s neighbor and finds out she’s into chamber music. Micky is also in the pad (I guess at a different time than Mike) on the red phone pretending to be from radio station M.O.T. He discovers that April wants her future husband to be into ballet. Thing from The Addams Family pulls Micky’s phone into a box and then tries to pull in Micky! That was a neatly structured, well edited sequence. Story-wise, we find out April does have interests other than laundry, but none of them match the Monkee’s interests, other than Mike. Maybe Peter generally as a musician.

Each Monkee returns to the laundromat to win April over. First up is Davy, who paints a Pop Art mural on the wall. It’s a red x with a blue arrow. April is comically, adorably turned on by this and the editors help with the stars in the eyes and birds sound effect. Here comes Peter with a harpsichord and three other musicians for a chamber music quartet. Now she has stars for him until Micky comes in and starts pirouetting all over the laundromat as a ballet dancer. He does an impossible leap through the air. Davy wants to know how he did that. Micky’s answer, “A man in love has the strength of thousands” echoes Davy’s own line from “Too Many Girls.” Last, but not least, Mike rolls in on his bike and impresses her with some wheelies. She fantasizes about each one in the appropriate costume for the persona they adopted for her. There’s chaos as they all compete for her attention with The Monkees theme playing, ending when Mike crashes into Micky with the bike and they hit the wall.

Of course she loves them all. Me too–how could you not? They way they’re portrayed on the show, Davy is charming, cool, and a great dancer, Peter is handsome, sensitive, and innocent. Micky is funny, quick-witted, and an amazing singer, Mike is thoughtful, intelligent, and resourceful. Between the four of them, they would make the perfect boyfriend.

Back at the pad, Mike points out the obvious: It’s stupid for all four of them to moon over the same girl. They talk about how great she is and leads into the romp to “The Girl I Knew Somewhere” (Nesmith). They all fantasize about hanging out with her at the laundromat. For her bits with Davy, she wears an artist’s smock and no pants, which seems racy for the times! She dances with Micky, listens to Peter play, and rides with Mike.

Back to reality, the Monkees agree not to let April ruin their friendship, but then they end up dividing the pad into four equal pieces of territory. Now only one of them has the bathroom, one has the front door, one has the fridge and one has the TV. Peter turns on the television and Dr. Sisters is on again. Peter has written a letter to her as “Tormented” describing their situation with April and asking how he “can cut the others out?” The letter she reads notes that April is now fond of each of them. Davy says, “That’s right, what of it?” Sisters, “I’ll tell you what of it.” Cute fourth wall within the fourth wall gag. She continues to respond to them like they can hear each other through the television. She also has a letter from Miss Laundromat who is so nervous from being in love with four different men, she’s close to collapse.

The Monkees all rush for the laundromat to check on her and find it closed due to illness. Working together again to help someone out, they realize they should resolve her confusion of being in love with all four of them. The boys choose for it, and Peter wins. The other three go to break up with her while Peter stays to run the mat.

Bewitched fans may notice that the brief shot of the exterior of April’s mother’s house is actually the exterior of the Bewitched house. Aside from the Screen Gems connection, Newmar later appeared in a 1971 episode of Bewitched called “The Eight Year Itch Witch.” The 1969 episode “Going Ape” used a redecorated Monkees pad set, and featured Lou Antonio of “Hillbilly Honeymoon.” Monkees songwriters Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart appeared in the 1970 episode “Serena Stops the Show.”

Mike, Micky, and Davy enter April’s room where she’s posed dramatically on the bed. (I should look so great while having a nervous breakdown.) They each tell her they’ve given up the thing that made her love them and she’s better off with Peter. Cute bit where Mike almost screws up by saying he’s taken up skydiving. She likes that, so he backpedals that he’s afraid of airplanes. She feels instantly better and breaks the fourth wall to ask the viewer, “Where is Peter?”

Pete’s busy destroying her business, as a bunch of angry customers attack him with damaged clothing. The man who had been reading the newspaper (Digby Wolfe, co-creator of Laugh-in) in all the laundry scenes gets up and is shirtless. He takes his shrunken shirt out of the laundry. With the “Monkeemen” theme playing, he joins in the fray. The Monkees come in and rescue Peter. April comes up, embraces him and asks, “How can I ever thank you?” Peter answers, in a manly baritone, “That’ll do for a start.”

And now, the kicker. At the pad, Peter prepares a romantic dinner for April while the others mope. April comes to the door and introduces Peter to her new fiancé, Freddy Fox III, clearly the 1960’s version of a douche-bag. The couple canoodles and April says she’s never met a singer before. The irony … it hurts. [EDIT on September 7, 2017. I can’t BELIEVE I missed this, but Monkees stand-in David Pearl is the actor playing Freddy Fox.] As they leave, April skips. A nearly 6 foot woman skipping in heels is truly a glory to behold.

Davy lays T.S. Eliot on us, “April is the cruelest month” from “The Waste Land.” Especially cute since this episode debuted in April. Mike starts in with the Shakespeare “To thine ownself be true…” Micky cuts him off with “please, no morals.” Micky baby, I couldn’t agree more. I hate morals. Peter starts to cry that none of them will find any happiness. There’s a knock on the door and four cute girls are there, asking the way to the laundromat. The Monkees do a quick head count and each walks off with his arm around a girl. Speaking of Shakespeare…

My dear husband and Blissville editor doesn’t like this episode much because the Monkees are working against, rather than with each other. I can see where that could be a deficit, I do think they work better together. As I said, April is not worth fighting over, but that is actually the punch line of the episodes’ main joke. Also, I must admit it’s nice to see a change from the usual structure of them making fools of other people. Like the previous, “Monkees on the Line,” this one is so well put together. (Worth noting that this and “Monkees on the Line” were the last two episodes shot for season one, “Line” being the very last.) There’s a tight structure of the four of them falling for her, finding out her interests, and winning her love. The episode is packed with funny lines and sight gags, and two very funny women in the guest cast. I can’t find anything not to like. It’s a strong episode and it seems that the director, editors, writers, producers and performers really cared about doing a good job.

by Bronwyn Knox

Every couple of weeks, “Monkees vs. Macheen” examines the crazy, spirited, Ben Franks-type world of the Pre-Fab Four: David Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork alias The Monkees.